THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER

CLASSIC VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer
long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances
and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm
and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so
he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

MODERN VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer
long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances
and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering
grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know
why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed
while others are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the
shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his
comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be,
that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is
allowed to suffer so? Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah
with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing
"It's Not Easy Being Green."
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's
house where the news stations film the group singing "We
shall overcome." Jesse then has the group kneel down to
pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
Al Gore exclaims in an interview with Peter Jennings that
the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and
calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his
"fair share." Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity
and Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the beginning of
the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate
number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his
retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper
in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried
before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a
list of single-parent welfare recipients.
The ant loses the case. The story ends as we see the
grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while
the government house he is in, which just happens to be the
ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't
maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and
the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders
who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY: VOTE REPUBLICAN

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